A FOPS article published in 2015 in "Prostate Matters" a national publication

The Friends of Prostate Sufferers (FOPS) Support Group at No.34

A can-do attitude to setting up a support group at home has created a growing community in Hertfordshire to share their positive and negative experiences...

It is difficult to believe that it is over three years since the first support group meeting at our home, No. 34. What started with five or six of us has grown to 120-150. We have always said, "Come when you can and go when you like" which seems to work very well around people's health and states of mind.

Almost 40 attend each meeting, and half of these come with their partners or other family member - but we manage to find a seat for everyone; due, perhaps, to the small number who never leave the kitchen and would rather stand naked in the garden than ask our 'resident' urologists a question! Nevertheless, we respect the variety within the group.

Most of those attending are here by word-of-mouth, although we deliver invitation leaflets to all the surrounding hospitals. There is, we believe, a woeful need for more support groups nationwide as many more men are now being diagnosed with prostate cancer and have little or no access to a support group.

Our experience of Prostate Cancer Support Groups is how difficult it is to persuade men to even consider the notion of attending such a meeting. Somehow we need to put the message out that we are here, when men are first diagnosed with prostate cancer. We need to rectify the preconceived idea that such events are for those unable to cope, as opposed to those who are determined to cope and, when possible, to help others.

With support from Roger Wotton, a member of Aylesbury Vale Support Group and Chair of Tackle Prostate Cancer, we have successfully applied to Macmillan for a grant to video one of our group meetings. We will distribute this film through Tackle and through Macmillan. Seeing how simple our format is might just encourage someone else to start up a group in their area. I think we can show how easy and enjoyable our evenings together can be.

In our three years together we have seen great courage and can only hope having someone to talk to "that knows exactly what you are going through" has helped the men who attend. Two of our members, Max and John, (both late diagnoses) came to us in the final months of their lives and we hope they. found some comfort at our meetings. One of our founder members, our lovely Terry, passed away recently.

Apart from being able to ask the urologists questions, the men who come here like to chat amongst themselves about specific procedures they are undergoing or particular medication they are being treated with. For some of our members, this is the only time in the month that they will speak about their health and how they are coping. Some have had distressing encounters with brusque consultants, others have been more fortunate in being treated by those more reassuring and considerate.

So as we start our next year of gatherings here at No.34, I would suggest (on behalf of all our members) that any claim of success in our support group is primarily because we stand on the shoulders of giants - our local urologists Alvan Pope and Julian Shah.

Gabrielle, (co-host of FOPS Support Group)